Body Weight Only Matters if You're Lifting It

I remember being about 10 years old, preparing for a dance recital. My jazz costume was made of some fancy crushed red velvet with sequins around the leg cuff of shorts that were a little longer than what I call "booty shorts".

That was the first time I remember saying out loud that my thighs were too big. 

I said it to my mom, and I don't know if what I've cultivated in my own mind as her response is accurate, but now I think back and remember sadness in her eyes. She then of course, smiled & assured me that wasn't true & that I was beautiful, and strong & perfect the way I was...this I remember being true for sure.  She was & still is magical with the kindness & genuine spirit she has.

I was always comparing myself to my friends. I've always had a small(er) upper body & a seemingly disproportionately LARGE lower body. My thighs were always my point of anguish.

In high school, my nickname on the cheerleading squad was "Diesel". I was always a base. I supported the tiny little girls & would toss them high into the air to flip, twist & cradle. The thing that was most important to me about that role was that they trusted me. They knew I'd do everything in my power to keep them from hitting the ground-but I never appreciated my own strength. Or my thighs. Or my weight on the scale.

I never appreciated my own strength, my thighs or stopped paying attention to the number on the scale until I found Crossfit.

Do I still believe my thighs are big? Yes. But now I can squat well over 200# (ATG...if you know what that means :) and I can clean & jerk my body weight (150#) and deadlift almost 300#.  I can carry son up stairs or hills, I can jump like a crazy person with him...hell, I can just keep up with a 2 year old in general!  I On my journey through crossfit is when it clicked!!!

Now my legs look like this!

The number on the scale doesn't matter anymore.  I only want to know how much I weigh to see how many of my max lifts are at or above my body weight.  Body weight only matters if you're lifting it & weight only matters if it's on a barbell.

{BTW-the answer is 3.  I can deadlift, squat & Clean and Jerk my body weight plus much more.  I'm still working towards body weight lifts on snatch & bench press}

To be honest, I don't know what weight looks like anymore. If any one of the girls I workout with asked me to guess their weight-it would be just that. A guess. I weigh 150, but I've weighed that (or within a few pounds) forever (minus being pregnant with Santi). Do you know what 130 looks like vs 150 or 170? I don't. I surely would never be able to guess the weight of the tiny powerhouses that are well represented at the Cov. These ladies are incredible! They are deceptively strong & crush heavy weights. Never judge a book. Crossfit Covington breeds some bad ass ladies & I'd take a gamble to say weight isn't important to most of them. 

I don't know what weight looks like, but I do know what strong looks like...and it looks & feels pretty damn good!

Here are some of those bad ass ladies I speak of :)

Different shapes, sizes, weights, strengths & goats-but one thing in common...Amazing!

Since I've started Crossfit & primal/paleo eating I've lost 17# of fat. I've gained 15# of muscle. But overall there's only been ~1-2# loss on the scale. If I measured success by the scale as I'd done previously, I'd probably consider myself a failure. 4-6 days in the gym. Every single week. A clean diet (with some cheats in there, too) for almost 2 years & only a 1-2# loss? I could lose more than that with a stomach bug in a day!

But success is now measured differently. Success is now measured by how fast or strong or agile I am. It's a sense of freedom & feeling of accomplishment. It's breaking mental barriers to achieve physical feats I never thought possible. It's measured by Pounds on a Barbell not Pounds on a Scale.

Crossfit gave this to me. Nothing else my whole life was able to give this to me, but Crossfit did. So, for those of you who think this is an "obsession", maybe it is-but I'm a better person because of it.

Consider the kool-aid tasty.